Finding out that your boyfriend isn’t really interested in you


I’m at a really bad place right now. My boyfriend of five years is taking my heart for granted. He sees the good in me and wants to continue to treat me like that without any consequences. He works away from home so I don’t know if I’m missing out or not. I’m 27 and he’s 26. We are really getting closer and now I find myself wondering if it’s time to end things. It seems like I know he wants to change and he’s doing a lot to change. But he makes a really good living and it’s just what he feels like doing right now. What should I do?

My responses

I see your point. Clearly, you’re starting to grow apart from your guy and are both questioning your ability to remain with him. There is no way to cure an unfulfilling relationship when one person is pursuing a career, and that side of the relationship is clearly the most concerning in your present circumstances. But to get back to the question, do you stay or do you go?

I would suggest you be very specific in your approach to this. Be persistent about having an open discussion about your feelings in a clear and direct way. Come prepared with questions that have the potential to be direct and ask questions you know your boyfriend will have difficult answers for. Use your boyfriend’s responses to help you decide how far you want to go with the relationship.

It sounds like you and your boyfriend have been dating for a long time, so it makes sense that he isn’t opening up and talking about your feelings the way you like. Perhaps your boyfriend feels invested in things beyond your relationship so he is acting differently, but that’s not something you should imply you do not support. If he opens up and talks with you about your feelings, I think that’s going to bring a lot of clarity, and hopefully it will be the catalyst for you wanting to get more serious with him and perhaps even running off with him.

Knowing that this is where you are with your boyfriend, I would rather sit down with him to discuss your growing feelings, and see if it can be overcome.

To me, you are now in the business of rebuilding. It’s up to you to do that with him and the support of a close group of people. Give this a lot of thought before you just throw him out. Your job right now is to really examine where you are and how you’re feeling. It’s too late to make something completely new happen if you are a series of exceptions rather than consistent long-term relationships.

This article was written by Ellie Masters, M.S., L.Ac., and originally published on

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